|The best way to win something? Just take it!|
I got a Ford Excursion yesterday. Why, you are probably not asking? It was sitting in front of an ATM with the keys in the ignition and I though,t as any local woman says to herself in this situation, “Price is Right this bitch and come on down and get yourself a free car!” So, with my best Bob Barker impression I announced to everyone that the Price was Right and I skipped over to the car and rode away into the sunrise.
My eyes hurt for a little while because the sun was looking right into my eyes. I have to stop letting the sun trick me like that. That's how it gave me that weird mole. It ate all of my turnips but none of my rats. Sun Lee, my Korean landlord that sold me the weird mole for $459, you tricked me good! But I will never be tricked again. Unless it is by Criss Angel and the trick is that I get to lick the insoles of his feet.
Back to the Excursion. I needed to pick up my dry-cleaning before the store closed at 5. When all these cops kept trying to pull me over (don't they know that stop lights are not rules but only GUIDELINES. Please get a brain), I just ignored them and drove my great new car. After about 3 hours (my dry-cleaners are in Grand Rapids, a full day's drive! Glad I have a comfortable car now!), they shot out my tires. I am in jail now. But yay! Free wifi!