Extensioning Myself

Don't look a gifted whore in the mouth. For the sake of your health.

After last week's failed haircut attempt, I decided that instead of cutting my hair, I would get hair extensions. Surely someone that extends hair is much easier to find then someone who cuts it. Everyone is always trying to grow their hair out, so young men in pink button-ups who say things like “girlfriend, please!” must be highly in demand for extending hair.

When I found an extender, it turned out not to be a person but some kind of sex toy or pliers, I couldn't really tell until I tried them. Definitely pliers. Then I tried again to look for a human person to do my hair or at least a dolphin, they are very intelligent. And amazingly, I found one! Unfortunately, he said it would cost $500! I was shocked and I said, don't you mean 500 rupees, or yen, or rubles. He just left his mouth hanging open and his eyebrow cocked for a while, so I figured that he had had a stroke and I did what I always do when someone has a stroke, I ran away and said “don't bill me, he's trying to trap me! He's doing it on purpose for attention!” Geez, I don't miss grandpa.

Then I decided that since human or synthetic hair was so expensive to put on my head, I would use horse hair for extensions. Unfortunately, I accidentally bought WHORE's hair. Now I have crabs. Third time this month! I guess I'll never get my hair done properly.