I Can't Keep Up with the Kardashians. They are Too Fast

"All mankind love a lover" -Ralph Waldo Emerson

I own a color television. Again, I'm pretty frickin' cool. This allows me to watch the complex, human drama that is Keeping Up with the Kardashians. Some people may say it is stupid, but I won't know because everyone I've asked says that they have never seen it or avert their eyes and say that they have to get back to work now.

Why is this such a wonderful show that demonstrates the human condition and demonstrates the American dream? It is because it does this by talking a lot (I mean A LOT) about feces and implying incest particularly between sisters. There is also a delicate balance of talk about dog testicles and talk that is not about dog testicles (ratio is approximately 3 to 1). 

 

I once asked someone why they received their own television show and they said “I know, right?” I didn't want to ask because of their rude response but I thought “You know but you wouldn't tell me and now you are laughing at me because of my ignorance. For shame!” I had inquired because I would have enjoyed having my own television show. Unfortunately as my Mother and Doctor say, I have a face made for radio. But I've tried to get my own radio show. But that was in Croatia, so who knows if they even understood me.

Though I have deep envy for the Kardashians, I have come to peace that I will never have that certain something that they have. What is that certain something? Armenian Blood.