Transforming My Dark Poon

In celebration of the new Transformers: Dark of the Moon, I decided to shave my around my Vulva, whatever that is! I have waxed my bikini area before, but no one told me that you don't pour hot candle wax all over your lady parts, cut canvas off of your old pair of Vans, apply said canvas to vagina area and then put like an untamed steed at the reins of a cruel master. That was one embarrassing trip to the E.R.! It went something like this:

"It" is similar to this color

Nurse: You have pieces of black fabric stuck to your inner thigh

Me: I know, right! I got a big date tonight and I had to clear cut like a lumber company, if you know what I'm saying! By clear cutting, I mean tearing out my pubes with candle wax and shoe canvas.

Nurse: You need a mental health evaluation.

Me: Can my psychiatrist be sexy with a dark past?

So, in order to avoid another stay in the psych ward, shaving instead of waxing seemed to be a much better option. I purchased a razor blade from this cocaine dealer down the street. (Razors are so expensive these days! It was like $200! But he did throw in some complimentary cocaine).

As I shaved, I started to wonder why men want women to be as hairless as a young gerbil in the lady bits area? Is it because they are secretly desire women to look like prepubescent children? Do they want a smooth ride-and-glide? Do they want to fuck gerbils?

Whatever the reason, I am happy to oblige. Through all of this pain I've gone to for men, it was always worth it in the end. We would go to dinner at a fine establishment (Applebee's please!) and after we had had our fill of earthly pleasures, we would go to his apartment or mine or an unlocked car. After he saw my area, he would shriek in delight and run away. Thank you, my Dark Poon. We will enjoy our Applebee's alone together, as God intended.