Hawaii and Lake Tahoe: The Names of my Future Children

Lake Tahoe holds more fish feces than anywhere else in the world!

I am trying to decide on my next vacation location. I was thinking about Hawaii. But then I found out that they have world class beaches. I am allergic to sunshine and salt water. Someone once said that I was allergic to fun. I just wanted to have a complete list of my allergies for medical reasons. So, also penicillin. 

Then I thought about Lake Tahoe. I really don't want to get in the water though because of the fish. You cannot trust fish. But they are suppose to have very nice ski trails. But I realized that it was July and it might not snow while I'm there.

But then I thought, if there is no snow, there must be a lot of dirt! That's what I am really looking for in a vacation destination: Dirt. Also, unlimited access to Martinelli's Apple Juice, for obvious reasons. 

Unfortunately, I found out that the trip to Lake Tahoe will cost money. Dumb. So, I just need to find a vacation location that will cost no money, have no sunshine, salt water, fun, penicillin, fish and lots of dirt and Martinelli's Apple Juice. Looks like it's the basement again.