The Most Heart-Breaking Night of My Life

Jorge's pride is similar to the cheese. It has melted.

Last night, my strong, North Korean, former priest (also known as Jorge) and I went dinner at our favorite restaurant, Pizza Hut, a delicacy in Canada, or anywhere where malnutrition is common. I'm sure they just what some food of any kind probably, you know in Canada.

We had some real good pizza but Jorge ate very fast. He stormed out the restaurant before I barely had a chance to pull up my underwear (I roll them down when I'm eating a big meal, like everybody else! See, I'm totally normal!). When I caught up to him back at my apartment (He had driven away without me so I walked the 4 miles home. His passion is incredible and irrational!), seven hours later I asked him what was wrong and why I walked so slowly. After we discussed the fact that swimming is only an effective means of transportation when in water and is not considered walking by capitalist, bourgeoisie societies, he finally told me what was on his mind.

Jorge told me that earlier in the day when he was spying on the the cashier at the local supermarket (Jorge calls him the former president of Bolivia who he calls a “rat who betrayed the deer leader.” Okey Dokey, how likely is it that a rat, who was president of Bolivia, would serve a deer? That has only a 21% probability), he saw that there was a Pizza Hut coupon in the newspaper. Jorge bought the newspaper, discarded the news section (it's like he's an American already!) and just clipped out the coupon. It was 4 Dollars (American dollars!) off of a medium pizza. Incredible. Beautiful. God smiled upon us this day. I was in awe by his food fortune.

But Jorge went on to explain that he went up to the counter and after he had already ordered extra pineapple, was told that the coupon was only valid at the Pizza Hut across town. Despair rang across Jorge's fattened cheeks and Deep Desire Lips (that's what the color is called on the lipstick) as he admitted this shame to me. I tell this as a precautionary tale, not to humiliate Jorge for his recklessness. This should be one of God's commandments: Thou shalt check the restrictions before thou uselth a coupon. Amen.