|My homeland: Map of the beautiful U.S.A.|
I've always wondered what the world is like. Here in the United States of Animals, all we know about the rest of the world is that it isn't as great. What makes the good old U.S. Of Animals so spectacular? I suspect it's our loose ferret ownership laws or capital punishment or when people chant “U.S.A., U.S.A., U.S.A.” If I have learned anything from Gregorian monks, whatever is chanted, must be true.
As an act of charity to help our less awesome fellow nations, I think I need to visit the world so they can learn from an American (that's me) how to suck less. Whatever country I grace with my presence, I'm sure they will pay for my trip, which will keep me out of the basement, except to do laundry and to roll around on the moist floor.
I'm open to suggestions but I'm thinking Europe. A map from 1988 says that there is a very large country in the world called the Soviet Union. My Mom warned me about the iron curtain, but I told her that I'm sure the next curtain I date will be more open and not so cold and distant like the last one: Chrome Curtain. I wished she would pay more attention. I was talking about my vacation not my past relationships with draperies!